Lost Passion

For many years I have been passionate about cooking and the culinary world. I have written food blogs, created recipes from scratch and even began photographing the dishes I developed.  I also used to think of the kitchen as my sanctuary. It was a place where I could "escape" to, a place where my son and husband chose to avoid.  In my kitchen I could be creative, I could try new recipes and improve upon others. I could use my artistic talents and inspirations on a variety of levels.

I also really used to take pride in the dishes I created. I looked forward to preparing healthy meals for my family and discussing them while we sat around the dinner table. I often wondered how and why others didn't enjoy their time in the kitchen . I used to question why they would rather go out to dinner.

 Yet, ever since my mom passed away, I have lost my culinary passion.  Now, I too wish to avoid the kitchen. I don't find pleasure in cooking and I don't care too much about the food I am eating.  Where I used to think that healthy meals contributed to a healthy outlook, I now realize the two aren't necessarily connected. 

My husband and son have been asking me for close to a year now to please get back in the kitchen and try to enjoy myself.  I can honestly say that I have tried. I went to the spice shop and bought a bunch of fresh, new spices to try. I shopped at the farmer's market bringing home an armful of fresh produce, and I even scoured my cookbooks for new recipes. Yet, I still can't find the culinary joy within. 

Just recently, I was discussing this calamity with someone close to me and they made me realize that cooking was something I loved to share with my mom.  My mom and I used to discuss recipes, buy each other kitchen gadgets, utensils and special cookbooks. When we would visit each other, we would cook together and prepare meals for the family.  Mealtime and spending time around the table was an important activity for my family.

Today, I am still seeking out a way to bring back my passion and honor my mom in the process. Yet, in the meantime, I will just have to accept for myself that in my heart I am doing the best I can.